This blog post was submitted anonymously by a JMU student who felt uncomfortable reporting her assault to the school because of the way the school handled a different case around the same time.
I was assaulted near the end of my freshman year in my dorm room after a night of drinking with friends. My assailant was an acquaintance of mine. He and I had hooked up once in the past, but we never had sex and he was much more interested in me than I was in him. We met when he messaged me on Facebook after I joined the JMU Class of 2018 page the previous May, after I’d committed to JMU. He was attractive and charming so I talked to him occasionally throughout the summer.
When we got to JMU, I met up with him and one point and we hung out. We did get intimate, like I said, but I was a Virgin at the time and I told him I didn’t want to go further. He pressured me a little bit but he was never forceful about it. I didn’t really talk to him again for a few months because I became involved with the guy I DID lose my virginity to.
Flash-forward to April, he and I hadn’t been talking but I guess I wouldn’t say we were on bad terms necessarily. I was partying at a frat house with my friend and he texted me, asking if I wanted to hang out, and I told him I’d like that. I also told him, if we did hang out, that I just wanted to watch a movie or something, I didn’t want to do anything. And he said that was fine.
My friend and I met him at his dorm, he was a sophomore and lived in the Village, and he walked back to East Campus with us. When we got back, she went to bed in her dorm, and he and I came inside my dorm together.
We went to the study room to grab my laptop which had been left in there, because we were going to watch Netflix. We got up in my loft bed, and as soon as he put my laptop back down on my desk, I knew something was wrong.
He started kissing me, and I was okay with that, but then he started getting more aggressive, I was drunk, so I started crying. I knew he wanted to have sex, and I was too drunk to get out of the situation. I wish I had blacked out, because I remember everything. But I was still to drunk to be persuasive or aggressive in the situation.
I tried to convince him to do oral sex instead, as I didn’t want to be penetrated. He was really pushing the issue. In an instinctive moment, as he was trying to have sex with me, I told him to put on a condom at least. That wasn’t me wanting it- but I didn’t want to catch an STD or become pregnant.
Luckily he put one on, and he couldn’t even really do much to me because I was obviously not around and he was very large. It hurt so bad. He eventually stopped because I told him it hurt. Then my roommate came in the room and said she wanted to go to bed. He threw his pants on, hopped out of my bed, and left without saying a word.
I wasn’t close with her, and I had brought guys back before, so I don’t think she understood what happened that night. But I didn’t want to talk, I just laid in my bed, still drunk, trying to process what had just happened, trying to understand what guy in his right mind thinks it’s a good idea to try to fuck a girl who’s drunk and crying.
I emailed my therapist from home and told her what happened the next day. She said it sounded like date rape to her and said she was sorry to hear what had happened to me. I eventually talked to a few friends about it, including the one who had walked back with us.
For a long time, I didn’t know if I wanted to do anything about it, but I ultimately decided not to report my case to JMU, because of what happened in the Sarah Butters story before I came here. I felt powerless.
I only ran into my attacker a few times. I saw him in dining halls at a distant, and my heart raced and I felt like I was going to be sick. But he never talked to me, because I made it clear that he was never to contact me again. Luckily he’s graduate now, but I feel guilty. I wish I would have said something. I’m scared I could be the reason if he was able to rape anyone else, because I never tried to turn him in.
I didn’t want to go through JMU’s process only to have to relive my pain for a shitty result. I knew my case would be hard because I was drunk and I didn’t want people outside of my close friends to know what had happened.
I didn’t want people to look at me like a sad little victim, or an idiot.
And while I shouldn’t have trusted him, I know it’s not my fault that he raped me. HE made that decision.
I just thought that my story should be shared in some way, even though I’m scared to attach myself to it.
JMU needs to do better. I should have had no doubt in my mind that they would fight for me when I had to go through that horrible experience. I’ve dealt with it with therapy, and luckily there was no physical damage done, but I will always be angry.